Human Interest

50 Shades of Red

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While on vacation I was doing something that is very rare, enjoying a girl’s night.  This was not my typical explanation of a girl’s night when it’s me and my girls or my friends and their daughters; it was just me, MI bestie and my sister (yes MI, one of my Michigan besties).  We are eating, having a cocktail, talking about marriage, dating, just having a really good time catching up.  Of course since 2/3rd’s of us are moms we had to reflect on how are children are growing, how long it’s been, what they’ve been up to, and of course the crazy things they do and the most embarrassing things they say!  As moms, I think it’s safe to say we’ve all had it happen, unfortunately more than we’d like to admit.  Here is the point where you can smile, it doesn’t just happen to us!  Our kids embarrass any member of the family they are with!  Especially aunts, maybe it’s a gender thing and those most close to mom?

At dinner, which is where the idea resulted, thanks to Amy Safir, I loved how she prefaced her embarrassing moment “50 Shades of Red” because that’s exactly what she turned as she explained one of her many most embarrassing pubic encounters with strangers; thanks to her daughter Alexis Safir.  As I recant our night I think the least embarrassing story that she may mind me sharing is about her playdate luncheon.  The other couple was discussing the possibility of getting their daughter a dog.  Alexis, chimed “dogs are great, my mom toots and always blames it on Jersey!”  I literally felt a little of my martini come out of my nose.

It wouldn’t be right to use her title and share her story and negate to share one of mines.  My girls were about 3 ½ when Amirah barged in the bathroom on me, honestly she startled me a bit.  She proceeded with her usual line of questioning, I explained and asked her if mommy could have some alone time on the potty, on her way out of the door her neck whipped around like something I had seen on the exorcist, she said “you got on a mommy diaper?”  Before I knew it she was summoning her sister and I felt like Cersei doing her walk of shame on Game of Thrones.  It got worse before I was able to force them out and lock the door, they began to tell me I needed another and Amirah told Aniyah to find where mommy kept her diapers!  In one word I can explain how I felt, mortified; simply because at that age you aren’t ready to explain how a woman’s body works.

Remember I mentioned it doesn’t just happen to moms?  Well my sister came to visit and we were out shopping, Aniyah was her shadow for the day and followed her to the dressing room.  Ashley proceeded to try an item on that did not require removing any extra layers but Aniyah yelled “Tee Tee why are you taking your panties off?”  Considering this was my sister’s first walk down the road of shame, when she came out of the dressing room she was still red! Even though she tried loudly to explain to Aniyah that she in fact still had her undies on the damage was already done.

Humiliating, and I am only able to share one of my many stories because there are just too many. It happens to all of us and after sitting with my friend and sister realizing no one is exempt, literally the best part of being a kid is that you get to be filter free!  Honestly this is one among many of perks of being a parent that aids in keeping us young.  Be light spirited about their innocence, help your child remain one as long as possible because childhood is fast and fleeting.

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